People are terrible and everything sucks

Not Safe for Human Consumption

18,471 notes


the year is 2046. no one has memed in 15 years since king obama the third make memeing illegal. in the dystopian suburbs of fort lauderdale, sixteen year-old Dogecoin de Grasse Sagan found a sexy fedora in an trash dumpster. he put it on and it made a sweet anime noise. he knew then he, was destined to bring memes back to this stupid idiot planet. he looked at the camera and goes “u mad, world?”

(via implodesoncontact)

40,123 notes



Industrial goth dance groups are having a good time

This is just the sign of joy and light I needed

So we finally found people who like to hang out at strip malls

(via mahler2)

56 notes

You know what I suck at?






I mean…I suck at a lot of things. But after looking for my social security card for the last 2 hours (which I finally found) so that I can get my driver’s license renewed (which expired on my birthday), I came to the conclusion (again) that I really suck at the whole keeping important/legal shit…

Same. I tried to solve this problem by buying a nice scanner which, along with some software I also bought, would let me store and search everything on the computer. That worked for a year, but for the past couple of years there’s just been two growing piles; stuff to scan and stuff to shred (which has been growing since my shredder died.) I just found out today that I need a 2nd form of ID to get a new badge for a government installation, which means I’ll be spending the weekend looking for my SSN or birth certificate. My passport is expired; a fact I discovered in January after my company had already bought me tickets to go to Italy. They declined to pay the $250 for an expedited renewal. So of course I never got around to that either.

Go out and buy a fireproof safe right now.  Passports, SSN card, Birth Certificate, marriage certificate, car titles, deed to the house, all that shit that You May One Day Need, it goes in the fucking safe, and then the safe goes on the floor in a closet (bedroom is a good location).

Next time you need that shit, it’s all organized in a file folder in that safe, and it’s fireproof and water resistant so if a fire tornado flood tears down your house, that shit is still safe.  PRO TIP:  don’t lock that fucker, because fuck it, you’re just gonna lose the key.  Just shut it, turn the key, and leave the lock in the keyhole.  It’s still safer than in a pile on your mantle.

You’re welcome.   Love, the most annoyingly organized asshole in the world.

I have a new mission to break into Styro’s house and STEAL THAT SAFE KEY

You’re gonna be super disappointed in our two eight year old cars, yo.

you think this is about your car?

without a birth certificate were you ever born?

without a marriage certificate did you ever get married? 

Do you even know where you live without that little box?

Thats why I am going to steal that key TO THAT ALL POWERFUL BOX